On the Road Again!!!!!!!!!

Today is a rather surreal day as I sit in a little internet cafe on the Khao San Road in Bangkok. This is to be my final blog for this trip which has taken me through Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. Tonight I board a plane for London where real life beckons once more.

On Sunday I took the ferry from Ko Tao to the mainland town of Chumpon. After the rather comfortable ferry ride I grabbed a quick lunch before hopping on a bus to Bangkok. See pics of me at Chumpon below - the last view of the Gulf of Thailand I'll have for a while

Driving into Bangkok at 9pm was driving into lashings of rain and a thunder storm. Isn't it just fantastic when you have to walk around seeking out budget accommodation with golf ball sized rain drops pelting off your face? I soon found out there was no budget accommodation to be had so decided to splash out on a rather fancy hotel. It was heavenly after getting soaked to the skin and hounded by touts selling trashy items (ping pong shows included) to drunken tourists. I had forgotten how bloody annoying the Khao San area of Bangkok is. On the plus side I got my hair done for the grand sum of 17 pounds yesterday. Cut and colour and I look so sexy I could be a bloody rock star.

The question I am now mulling over is what did I learn on this trip? Being immersed in foreign culture, cuisine and some things mean surely teaches some valuable life lessons. Perhaps I shall ponder some more on the plane until they come to me. Or maybe they will not appear until my feet are firmly back on UK soil trudging through another Winter of unforgiving wind and rain. As is often the case it is not until you return home that you realise what you have learned. I can say for certain I did learn how little the human race can actually survive on after my time teaching in Chang Mai. Many of the children had little more than a mat on the floor to sleep on at night and despite this 'poverty' they were happy. I mean really happy. I believe we in the West have become engulfed in capitalist greed which sadly shows no sign of shifting. We could learn some serious truth from the people of Chang Mai.

I would like to say thank you all for following my adventure, stay safe and happy travels

Well my time in the Gulf of Thailand is coming to a close. It is a strange feeling knowing next week I will be back in London after 4 months of adventure. This last week of island time has, as I mentioned previously, been spent on the relaxed island of Ko Tao. It is a lovely island based mainly around diving and boat trips, very chilled and an excellent end to a hectic few weeks in the Gulf!!

I have tried to explore the island on foot rather than rent a motorbike for the simple fact that I am all about the detox here and wish to sweat the remaining alcohol out of my system whilst getting extremely strenuous exercise at the same time. It seemed like a great idea to walk round the islands entire perimeter but by the end I was absolutely dying. My clothes smelled about as nice as a tramp in a tube station on a hot summers day. I was mortified when I crawled back to my home (see pic below of my little bungalow) to see a group of fit Dublin men fixing a boat outside my accommodation. Why is it when extremely attractive men are around I always look like I've been hit by bendy bus and dragged for 25 yards under the wheels for good measure? So I say hello and they start chatting to me. They work here as diving instructors but I know by now - never get involved with a diving instructor. Can't trust em. Too many attractive women in bikinis to tempt them away. Not that I'm in the worst shape ever but when you see some 6ft tall, blonde Swedish chick with a super-models body sauntering down the road in front of you wearing a bikini made from dental floss you do feel a tad inferior.

I have also seen the freak who I am in hiding from again on his motorbike. And again he rode past and looked at me quizzically and once again I had my large sunnies on to hide the vast proportion of my face. I feel like Victoria Beckham at the airport - wearing ridiculously huge sunglasses when everyone bloody well knows its her behind them. He definitely knows its me. He can look behind the sunnies with his laser vision just like he could look into my soul and suck the happiness out of me. He is riding round Ko Tao on his motorbike plotting how to once again attempt to steal my inner being and sell it to the devil himself for a paltry sum of Thai currency or perhaps a new Fiat Punto.

Rightio dear readers and friends. That is the latest.

Ciao for now. xo

This blog entry is not the usual travel blog entry with pretty pictures but instead another example of the dreadful situations I get involved in. Situations which have me in hiding for days on end and wearing huge glasses and a fake mustache so as not to be found by the unwanted.

What the hell is she talking about you may ask? Well let me fill you in dear readers and friends. Last night I met a huge black guy called SuckDeep. So what you may wonder? I ask you again to read the name. It says SUCK DEEP. His name was actually SuckDeep, although I am not sure that is how he spells it. He just randomly starts talking to me on the beach where I was walking so I ask his name and where he is from. I cannot even remember his place of living as I was laughing so hard. Then I remembered my last job in London where one of our clients had the surname 'Horniblow'. So my imagination being what it is begins to think what if SuckDeep's surname was also Horniblow. How would he introduce himself? "SuckDeep Horniblow, how can I be of assistance?" Well our conversation didn't last long as at this point I had dug myself a hole in the sand to try and hide in so as SuckDeep could not see the convulsions of laughter I was in. He calls me white trash or something along those lines and stomps off - great, already someone to hide from on this tiny island.

Secondly, today I was walking down the narrow streets with the sun on my face when a motorbike slows down and the driver is looking at me curiously. Oh Please God NOoooooooooooooooooooooo.... I kid you not, it is a guy I had a few dates with when I was about 21 who turned out to be the biggest freak to walk planet earth. My old flatmate Noelle knows all about this and she also felt the trauma of the dates I went on with this extra terrestrial. You know the type of person who when they talk to you they stare right into your eyes and monitor your every word - well that was this guy but worse. I swear he could see into the depths of my troubled soul and sucked all happiness out of me through a breath similar to that of the Dementors in Harry Potter. Then there was the time he started to call me 'Princess' as he stared at me intently in the front seat of his Fiat Punto. This was the point where to be around him I had to get drunk in advance. He collected me one morning at 10am for a drive and I had downed two beers in order to cope with the ordeal. To make it worse he arrived at the door wearing a Hawaiian shirt in the middle of January in the arctic like Irish weather. Noelle answered the door and nearly pissed her knicks at the state of him and told me to drink a few more beers, that I'd need them for the sight which was to soon be before me.

Well, now this schitzo is here on the same island as me. What do I do? My sunglasses are taped to my head for fear they fall off at the precise moment he meets me again on his motorbike. A hat may help and maybe some plastic surgery but that uses up alot of my savings so the mustache and trench coat seem like the most realistic option. I know dear readers and friends that this must seem like very childish behaviour and a very big deal about really nothing at all but you did not meet this guy. Nor did you hear the story as he looked right into your eyes about the seagull he rescued from the beach and the moment of liberation he felt the day it's wing healed and he set it free. And my poor dearest Noelle had to sit opposite him whenever he came round for dinner because I would race for the seat beside him so he could'nt do 'the stare' at me. As Noelle called it when she had been around him 'the black depression'.

So, I guess I shall be off then to risk having my soul sucked out of me again by this staring psycho. If I do not arrive in London on Sep 30th then you all know what has happened to me. Ask Noelle for his name to track him down where I have no doubt I will be buried under his patio.

Well I am now on Ko Pha Ngan and have been having a great old time of it although the partying has calmed down except for 'The Black Moon Party' which was on Saturday night. I took the ferry here after Ko Samui and have been staying near Haad Rin beach (the famous beach where the Full Moon Parties are held). I have met lots of cool people here and hung out with them on Black Moon.

The morning of the ferry trip I was fast asleep at 8am to be woken by a loud knocking on the door. Hannah and I had been sharing a room so she gets up to see what on earth this commotion was about. Low and behold it was the Irish guy from Limerick who I had been swimming with at 6am in the morning two days before! He had walked me back to my accommodation that morning so knew where to find me!! Is no one safe in this world anymore? Although I could have been stalked and tracked down by alot worse, its still a shock to be woken in such a manner by someone you hardly know especially when your wearing your SpiderMan PJ's. (OK I made the Spidey Pj bit up, lol). So he comes in and says I have some great pictures of you can I have your email address to send them on. In my slumber I write down my email and then he starts asking for me to go to the Irish bar with him?? I'm like "Em no, I have a ferry to catch at 12 so I need to sleep more". He is obviously pissed off his face and I have no doubt he woke up that afternoon and cringed at his behaviour. I on the other hand found it highly amusing and actually did really want those pictures he took as they were like postcard pics with a purple dawn sky and me standing in the water with a view similar to what I would imagine heaven to be like in the background.

The 2nd day here myself and Sanjeev rented motorbikes and explored the island. The roads here are not very well paved in parts, are narrow and quite dangerous. The steepness actually meant my bike just stopped at one point and I could not get up the hill!! After much pushing we managed to get it to the top but this gives an idea of the gradient of the roads. Biking is the best way to explore the island as you get to see parts that otherwise you would not explore. There is a view point (see pics below) over the coastline which was absolutely amazing but climbing up to it through tropical jungle was a bit of an effort!!

So then we come to the Black Moon Party. So the drinks began about 10pm at our accommodation by the pool. Everyone then jumped into trucks/taxis and off we went to Ban Hai beach which is on the same stretch of coastline from where I'm staying but quite a bit further up. The Black Moon is ravers paradise but I have to say I had so much fun. As usual almost everyone there was off their face on various illegal substances but for us drinking was just as good. Feckin whiskey buckets again!! To be honest I spent the night talking more than dancing as I just kept wandering and chatting to complete strangers!

Of course at the end of the night everyone got lost from each other so I was wandering and Gary a Scottish guy from our group found me. After one last whiskey bucket we came up with the superb idea of walking back along the coast to our accommodation instead of getting a taxi home. I think we set off at about 6.30am and didn't get back until about 9am. I must say the scenery along the coast was stunning and we were literally off the tourist trail and the only people on the beaches. And like on Ko Samui swimming was involved and yet again I have cuts from coral all over me. My hand could quite possible need stitches but I shall give it a day or two to see how it heals. Huge boulders blocked the way in parts so we had to climb those to get to the next stretch of sand. Over we get and next thing a huge Alsation dog is barking and running toward us. There is spit hanging from its mouth and its teeth are flashing to show fangs the size of daggers. It starts chasing us and Gary is like 'Run it's gunnae rip us to shreads". So running seems like the most reliable option here. But I decide against this. I sit down on the sand and hold out my hands to it and tell Gary to chillax that the dog just needs to see that we mean no harm!!!! WTF?? This is what whiskey buckets do to you. All sense of realism goes out the window and you convince yourself you are Dr. Dolittle and can make peace with beasts the size of elephants but much more vicious. Gary is up on a boulder at this stage looking at me, waiting for me to be mauled to death by this wicked canine but it runs up to me, stops barking, sniffs me for a bit and jumps on me and licks my face!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha. Gary is astounded. So we named the dog Mel and he accompanied us for most of the walk back to our accommodation. Oh the randomness of these nights of mine.

So Ko Tao is the next stop and the old non-partying Fiona returns. Sanjeev goes back to Ko Samui so this last week is purely for me to unwind and relax before making my way back to London. I have had sooooo much fun on the islands but I really don't know how people come here and drink for months on end without stopping. My plan for Ko Tao is to relax and chill for a week, get a massage, take a few boat trips and drink plenty of fruit shakes and green tea before making my way back to Bangkok where I then fly back to London on Sep 30th. Will update again from Ko Tao.

Well folks, I am currently on Ko Samui island in the Gulf of Thailand. I ferried from Phi Phi last week to the mainland town of Krabi where I had a look round quickly and then bused it to the other side of the mainland. There I got another ferry to Ko Samui. See the evening pic from the ferry below.

Ko Samui is loud, brash, tacky in parts and downright crazy. I have been combining the day time sightseeing with the nighttime partying! My Dutch friend Hannah who I made friends with on Phi Phi arrived here a day after I did. We rented motorbikes one of the days to explore the island. This is the cheapest and most fun way to explore as organised tours are too expensive and you have to abide by the set plan. I hate organised tours and avoid them at all costs. The island is beautiful and so many tourists stay on 'Chaweng' beach where all the craziness is in abundance but many never get round to seeing the rest the island has to offer. The pics of our bike trip below give an idea of the beauty of the island. We came across waterfalls and temples plus many beaches. I love the freedom of taking a bike round somewhere new. Such a great way to spend the day.

I must admit there have been some messy nights out and I blame it on those darn whiskey buckets!! Last night I ended up dancing into the early hours followed by a 6am swim with a Limerick man. The cuts and bruises endured by my body as I hit the rocky coral could have been avoided had the Thai's put a sign up waring us saddo Westerners that whiskey buckets and 6am swims do not a good combination make!

Another night was spent hanging out with the LadyBoys and watching their caberet show. Brilliant. Some of them are so beautiful I felt downright hideous beside them. Such perfect figures, complexions and hair. You really cannot tell they are of the male species. Their flamboyancy and love for attention makes some of the male audience dragged along by their partners a tad uncomfortable. The uneasy shift in the seat by one of the straight men as a ladybody dolled up as Celine Dion planted a big wet snog on his lips was priceless!

My friend from London, Sanjeev also arrived yesterday so he will be getting into trouble with me for a few days on Ko Pha Ngan. Now I must dash and meet my new LadyBoy friends for a drink and some karoke. Will update when I'm on Ko Pha Ngan!! Ciao for now!! xo